Dungeon Crawl
by JelloCubes
Summary: Dungeon Crawl is what would happen if they made spin off of the show Drawn Together (which they would never make) centered around the character Xander P. Wifflebottom. My reasoning for them never making something like this is it aired on Comedy Central an
1. Chapter 1

Drawn Together and its wonderful and amazing characters were created by Dave Jesser and Matt Silverstien.  
(P.S: If you've seen the movie, it's supposed to not have happened... ever)  
(P.P.S: Takes place in 2014 to present (depending on end date), but ages are the same)  
This does not reflect any personal views of mine. In writing this, I am trying to be true to the nature of the show.

Chapter 1

Xander laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He had one knee crossed over the other, thinking. Just thinking. Suddenly, an ice cold bucket of water was thrown over his head. Xander shouted and jumped up, shaking from fear and cold. "Ice Bucket Challenge!" Spanky, Clara, and Captain Hero all yelled at the same time.

"What is wrong with you people?" Xander snapped irately and wiped the water out of his eyes. "You completely ruined my hair! I'm supposed to see Fernando today, you know?"

"Oh, we're sorry, Xander," Clara said in a voice he was not sure what to call. She had a way of sounding sarcastic when she was being sincere but was really sarcastic underneath. "I hope Craig doesn't break up with you over this."

"It's not Craig, it's Fernando, and I broke up with him."

Xander sat in the confessional with one leg crossed over the other, leaning on the arm of the chair. "He wasn't ready to commit, and I just can't be with someone like that. Fernando, though; he takes pride in himself and I like that." Xander smiled pleasantly.

"Whatever, homo," Captain Hero scoffed. "Hey, let's go Ice Bucket Wooldoor!" They ran off laughing.

"That's not how it's supposed to work!" Xander shouted after them and shut the door. Lately he had been keeping to himself around them, because he realized something that made him want to cry every time he thought about it. His housemates just did not care about him. He could leave, and they would probably never notice. "Maybe I should just leave," Xander sighed to the camera. "It would be easier than dealing with all of this for the rest of my life." Xander walked to the window and threw it open so the breeze could air dry his hair.

Suddenly, he felt something heavy hit him in the head. He grabbed the side of his face and stumbled back then forward. He saw a bucket hit the ground, which was coming closer to his face. He heard a snap, and everything went dark. For ten horrible seconds, he was in a pit of darkness, but respawned almost instantly next to the bucket and a puddle of blood. "Dammit, not again!" Xander stomped his foot. "Fuck... Not on date night!"

"What's wrong with dying on date night?" Wooldoor asked him. He had shown up out of nowhere, or maybe, judging by the bruised state he was in, Xander had fallen on him. Wooldoor shook it off and got up, and Xander took a deep breath.

"You see, Wooldoor, when gays like me go on dates, we don't just go on dates. We call it a date so we don't attract attention, but really we're meeting up to have gay, anal sex all night long."

"That's right, because straight anal sex exists. The more you know! Anyways, what's the matter with that, Xander, I mean, aside from the horrible abomination that is love between two men."

"Every time I die, my stats reset, so I'm basically a virgin again."

"Lucky," Foxxy said from the kitchen doorway. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Not lucky! It hurts every time..." Xander shook his head and leaned against the wall. "I have to find a way to break myself in again before I go on my date with Fernando."

Xander looked up and saw thar everyone was gone. He had been right when he thought they didn't care about him. Xander sighed. He felt someone pat him on the back. It was less of a pat, and more of a shove. "What's up, Xander?" Captain Hero asked. Xander shook his head and walked into the house back up to his and Captain Hero's room. Captain Hero followed him, much to Xander's dismay. "Come on; what's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing; not that you'd care!" Xander cried and flopped face down on his bed. "No one cares about me here!"

"That's not true," Captain Hero said sympathetically.

"It is true," Xander said, "You're just saying that."

"No, no," Captain Hero shut the door. "In fact, I care about you a lot, Xander." Captain Hero sat next to Xander on the bed and rubbed his shoulders.

"Stop it, Hero." Xander said. "Normally I'd have a fling with you, but I have a date tonight."

"Alright, fine," Captain Hero shrugged. "See you later, Xander." Captain Hero left the room, and Xander hugged his pillow.

"Fucking psychopath," Xander mumbled and put his head down.

Xander woke up around five in the evening. "What?" he gasped. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I'm gonna be late!" Xander jumped up and ran to his closet.

"Hey," Clara said as she passed the door. "You can't hide from God by going back in the closet."

"Very funny," Xander snapped. "I'm going to be late!" in seconds, though, he was dressed in a violet long sleeved polo shirt and some skinny jeans, with black shoes and a white belt. "Oh man... I have to be there in an hour still!" Xander walked downstairs quickly, but when he put his hand on the door knob, the others stopped him.

"Damn, Xander!" Spanky said. "You clean up nice."

"Yeah, whatever. I can't stay and talk; I'm going to be late."

"Yeah, well, we figured since you were on your fancy date, we'd go to the aquarium, so we're taking the Foxxy van. You'll need to call your date to pick you up." Xander nodded and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

The others filed out of the house and climbed into the van, and Xander sighed as he dialed Fernando's number. "What is it sweetie?" Fernando asked.

"Hey boo boo," Xander smiled. "It looks like I can't get a ride. Could you come pick me up?"

"Oh... I was actually just about to call you. I have to reschedule our date, honey."

"Reschedule?" Xander gasped. "But why?"

"It just isn't a good time. My friends want me to go to the aquarium with them."

"Oh... Well, alright. I'll see you next Friday, then?"

"Friday's good, honey!" Fernando said. "Oh, I gotta go now! Bye bye!" Fernando hung up the phone.

Xavier put the phone back in his pocket. "Well, my evening is shot." Xander sighed and sat down on the couch.

"Hey," Captain Hero said from the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" Xander asked.

"I'm supposed to ask you that. What about your fancy date?" Xander shrugged.

"We had to reschedule. That's good, though. Gives me more time to fix my stats. I'll need to save this time." Captain Hero sat next to him on the couch. "Why didn't you go to the aquarium with the others?"

"Fish creep me out with their beady little eyes and gnawing teeth and long whip like tails, and the fur... Ugh." Xander opened his mouth to correct him, but changed his mind.

"Hey... Since your date's off, wanna spend the night together?"

"Captain Hero, what are you saying?" Xander gasped. "What about Tim Thompson?"

"Forget that guy," Captain Hero pushed Xander against the couch and pulled his shirt open.

"Ah, Captain Hero, what are you doing?" Xander shouted. "Cut that out! Get off of me!" he was fine with flirting a little, but he was also dating Fernando. Captain Hero stuck his hand down the front of Xander's pants. "Hero, stop it! Stop! I don't want it!"

"Come on," Captain Hero messed with the piercing on the end of Xander's dick.

"Stop touching me!" Xander shouted. He kicked Hero in the side, but it only egged him on.

"Oh yeah, baby. Be rough with me."

"I don't want to be anything with you, you asshole!" Xander pushed on Captain Hero's shoulders, but to no avail.

Captain Hero pulled down Xander's jeans and flipped him over with his arms pinned behind his back. "Stop it! Hero!" Xander struggled. He looked up and saw the cameras. "Help! Someone help me! This isn't in the script! Ahhh!" Captain Hero slapped his hand over Xander's mouth. "Mmph!" Captain Hero pulled down Xander's underwear.

Xander felt Captain Hero poke him, and his eyes widened. He felt his breath come in gasps and tears filled his eyes. Captain Hero shove it in roughly, and Xander screamed. Captain Hero rammed into him repeatedly, one hand over his arms and the other on the side of his head. The top of his head banged against the arm of the couch repeatedly, and cries tore through his throat as his ass was stretched roughly and painfully. He looked up at the cameras, which were all trained on him. Captain Hero pulled Xander up by his hair. "Ow! Ow! Hero! Stop!" Xander had tears running down his face. He heard the squish when Captain Hero shoved into him, and he felt liquid run down the backs of his legs. "Ah, ah, AHH!"

Then it was over. The cock was removed, and Xander collapsed over the arm of the couch. He looked back at Captain Hero, who looked like nothing had happened. He was just chilling nonchalantly on the blood splattered couch in his blood splattered shorts.

Xander looked around at all the cameras, and his breath caught in his throat. He panted harshly and clutched at his chest. He had to get away, he knew, but he was frozen. _They saw me..._ he thought. _The cameras recorded me... Twelve hundred people are going to watch me cum from being raped on national TV! _Xander grew dizzy and tried to stand. He could barely walk, and stumbled as a fainting spell overtook him. He fell to the floor, unconscious.

AN: Just a recap; this show was the only show to be rated VM (Very Mature) and in getting into the charater's minds some unpopular views will be expressed, though none of it personally reflects how I feel.


	2. Chapter 2

Xandir felt someone shaking him awake, and opened his eyes slowly. It was a cameraman, but the cameras were off. "Xandir, he said quietly, and Xandir saw why. Captain Hero was sleeping on the couch. "Are you alright?" Xandir got up slowly from the floor. He hid his face in his hand and sniffled quietly. "Don't worry, okay?" The cameraman whispered, "We've deleted all of the footage; no one's going to see it." Xandir sniffed and jumped up. He hugged the cameraman tightly

"Thank you," Xandir whispered. "Thank you." he was trying his best to keep his sobs down to a minimum. "Thank you... Please; don't let anyone see it..."

"They can't see it."

"That fucking psychopath... He... He..." Xandir sat back and hugged his arms around himself. "Dammit! He took advantage of me! Call that goddamn Jew producer and tell him I want Captain Hero gone!" Xandir covered his mouth and looked behind his shoulder anxiously. Captain Hero tossed in his sleep. The cameraman walked to the door. "Wait! Can you... Can you wait until my friends get here? I just don't feel safe..."

"They're here; they're just all in bed already. Left you two where you were." Xandir frowned and sniffled.

"Thank you." Xandir repeated and stood up. He used the couch for support and walked to the stairs, his legs weak and wobbly.

For the next three days, Xandir held himself in his room, and kept Captain Hero and the others out. He kept the door locked and spoke roughly to anyone that came near him. "Xandir, are you alright?" Someone called through the door. It was Toot.

"Go away, Toot," Xandir called in a melancholy manner. "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Not even me?"

"No..."

"...What about Cap—"

"ESPECIALLY NOT HIM!" Xandir roared at the door. "KEEP THAT BASTARD AWAY FROM ME, DAMMIT!"

"...Xandir..." Toot was silent, and Xandir assumed she had gone away.

"...Are you still there?" Xandir asked and got no response. He sighed in relief and sat back on his bed. Xandir stared at the wall for a while. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, but he ignored it, as he was too scared to go out and face everyone. Suddenly, he heard his phone ringing from across the room, in his jeans' pocket. Xandir stood and walked over quietly. He realized after he had picked it up the phone had startled him. "Hello?" Xandier breathed nervously into the phone.

"Xandir," Fernando whined at him, "You missed our date! Are you okay, darling?"

"...No... I'm not okay..." Xandir mumbled. "...My housemate... That night we had to reschedule... He raped me, Fernando!" saying it made Xandir start crying all over again, and he sniffed, hating the way he sounded. "He raped me... Fernando... He was just too strong for me to fight off!"

"Where was your sword?"

"With my armor... I took it off to get dressed for the date..."

"Now it's my fault, is it?"

"What? I never said that!"

"So now I'm a liar?"

"Quit putting words in my mouth, Fernando! I'm scared, and hurt!"

"Hey, don't get snippy with me. If you're going to have that attitude, maybe this isn't going to work."

"I'm supposed to have a positive attitude about being violated somehow?"

"... I met someone new at the Aquarium. I thought if I picked a fight it would be easier to... I'm sorry, Xandir. I love you, but not the way I thought I did. Understand?" Xandir was silent. Fernando hung up the phone, and Xandir fell back against the foot of his bed.

"... How could he... When I needed him most, he..." Xandir shut his eyes tightly. He didn't think he could cry anymore, even though he wanted to curl up and die. He was just empty inside, and usually he would fill that hole with sex, but he did not want to even see another man's cock at the moment. He did know one thing, however. Someone had tried to steal his man while he was indisposed, and Xandir had to get himself together and stop it.

When Xandir stepped into the hall, nothing happened. He was not sure what he expected; probably to be ambushed by someone. He was able to get to the bathroom, use the toilet, and clean up without incident, and was glad for it. As he walked by the door to his room, he saw Captain Hero inside, sitting casually on the bed. Luckily, he did not see Xandir hurry past. He had to find another safe place. He took sanctuary in the closet under the stairs.

Xandir sat with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. He was quiet, staring at the floor, until the door opened. Xandir squinted at the bright light. "Xandir?" Ling Ling asked. "What you doing in here?" Xandir opened his mouth then closed it, not wanting to speak. "What bothering good friend Xandir?"

"Oh Ling Ling... I just can't say it!" Xandir hid his face in his hand. He did not want the others to think he was a narc or something. Hopefully Captain Hero had enough brains not to tell what happened. Ling Ling reached out to pat his back, and Xandir flinched. Ling Ling drew his paw back. "I'm sorry, but just don't touch me, okay?" Xandir hugged himself again.

"Drawn Together Characters, please meet in the living room!" The speaker crackled to life, screeching, and Ling Ling hurried off. Xandir cautiously got up and poked his head out of the stair closet. He looked left and right, and after deciding it was safe he stepped carefully to the living room. The house, Xandir realized, was a complete mess. There were clothes and trashes strewn around carelessly.

"That's right," he muttered quietly to himself, "I usually clean up, don't I?" The others were all gathered. Xandir counted them. Foxxy, Clara, Wooldoor, Ling Ling, Toot, Spanky... Xandir felt a presence behind him, and back slowly. Captain Hero looked down at him with contempt of some kind, as if Xandir had been the one who had wronged him.

Xandir screamed and scrambled back from him in such a panic he knocked over the coffee table and everything on it. He fell on his butt and scooted back from Captain Hero, the glass from the table top digging into his hands. The others started laughing at him, including Captain Hero. "Jeez, Xandir," Clara laughed. "You're acting like he was a Mexican." Xandir held his chest, panting heavily. He stared at Captain Hero wildly.

"Xandir," Captain Hero took a step toward him, and Xandir pulled out his sword. Everyone gasped, and Xandir pointed it at Captain Hero. "Stay back!" Xandir snapped. "Stay away from me! I'll do it! I mean it! I'll, I'll kill myself if I have to!" Xandir put the sword to his throat. Captain Hero took a step back. Foxxy jumped Xandir from behind, trying to take the sword, and Xandir lashed out. He slashed sideways, and left a bright red gash across Foxxy's stomach.

"You... son of a... bitch," Foxxy groaned and fell to her knees. Xandir dropped his sword and caught her.

"Foxxy, I'm sorry!" Xandir cried. "I didn't mean to! You startled me... I didn't mean to... To..." he looked around. Everyone was staring at him. He felt tears running down his face. "Oh my God..." he dropped the sword. The others' faces seemed to loom in on him; coming closer and turning sinister. Xandir screeched and ran out the front door as fast as he could. It was left open, and they all stared in shock.

"Foxxy," Clara said, "Are you okay?" Foxxy nodded.

"That damn fool runnin off before he can find out what he done... Someone hasta go tells him I'm a'right."

"I'll go," Wooldoor offered. "I can probably catch up to him."

"I'll go too!" Captain Hero said. "He needs his friend. His straight friend!"

"Riiight..." Wooldoor nodded. He and Captain Hero went out the door after Xandir./

"Do you think that is good idea?" Ling Ling asked. "Xandir-san seem very frightened of Captain Hero-san."

"Whatever," Spanky shrugged and unzipped his pants. "His sword is mine now."

AN: I'm going to keep stating these don't reflect my own personal views until probably chapter ten, as by then you should be able to remember.


	3. Chapter 3

Xandir ran as fast as he could down the street. He panted harshly and held his stomach. He was so scared he wanted to throw up. "Xandir!" Wooldoor called to him. Xandir turned, but when he saw Captain Hero, it only served to frighten him again. He tried to run, but Captain Hero wrapped his arms around Xandir's arms and pinned them to his sides. Xandir froze. That smell; that strength. It was like he was back on the couch on that night, and he panted wildly, panicking, unable to catch his breath. "Let go," he moaned weakly, "Let go! Let me go!" Xandir struggled against him.

"Hm... Dilated pupils, heavy breathing, sweat, anxiety... Either Xandir's on crack, or he's suffered some kind of trauma bad enough to give him PTSD!" Captain Hero scoffed.

"What kind of trauma would that be? I think Xandir's just being a pussy." Captain Hero said it menacingly.

"You..." Xandir shook, barely able to speak. "You did it... You bastard... You did it to me... Wooldoor, help me..." Xandir whispered. "Get him away from me..."

"You know," Captain Hero whispered, "It turns me on when you're all limp like this." Xandir yelled and kicked his legs, but the stress on his brain was too much, and he fell forward in a faint. "Great job."

"Captain Hero," Wooldoor frowned, "What did you do to Xandir? It seems like he's afraid of you!" Captain Hero gasped and dropped Xandir to the ground.

"How dare you? I will not stand here and let you accuse me of hurting my friend." He took a step to the left, and was in the middle of the street. "I'm going to stand here so the car will hit me after I tell you what I did."

"What happened?" Xandir groaned and sat up on his knees, holding his head. Wooldoor helped him a little.

"You tell me, Xandir," Wooldoor asked, dressed in his psychiatrist's get up. He had his chair and everything.

"I-I-I can't!" Xandir cried, "I just can't! I know you all hate me anyways, why should you bother trying to pretend you care what happens to me?"

"Xandir," Woolder said sternly but calmly, "This is a safe place."

"This is the middle of a park! Everyone can hear what we're saying! I'm leaving! I'm not going to stay where I'm not wanted! This has been coming a long time, and Captain Hero's finally pushed me over the edge! I'm going to find Fernando, get him back, and stay with him!" Xandir stomped off angrily, and a number of people stared in his direction.

"Xandir, wait! We're your friends!" Wooldoor shouted.

"Friends?" Xandir asked. "Friends don't treat each other like stereotypes... Friends don't leave their friends in a house with an unstable psychopath who doesn't know what the word "no" means! Friends don't fucking rape their friends!" Xandir gasped and put a hand over his mouth. Wooldoor looked over at Captain Hero in confused disgust.

"You... Raped him?" Wooldoor shook his head. "That is just the dirtiest, cruelest thing I've ever heard!" Xandir was taken aback. Wooldoor was getting angry on his behalf. There was the slightest glimmer of hope for him he wasn't just a stereotype to them. There was a chance they saw him as their equal after all.

"Wooldoor," Xandir said quietly. "Thank you."

"For what, homo? You shouldn't have put yourself in that situation!" Xandir gasped. "You're always wearing provocative clothes!"

"...I was wearing jeans and a polo shirt..." Xander mumbled. "It wasn't... Was it...? Do you really think it was m-my fault?" Xandir looked down nervously.

"Do you ever see rapists go after fat chicks? I never have! It's not sex they want, but to rip off people's clothes!" Xandir was frightened by Wooldoor's incredible backlash.

"...I thought we were friends... I guess you like Captain Hero more than me..." Xandir pulled his flute out of his pocket and blew a tune on it, and a bird came and carried him away. Wooldoor looked down. He had not meant what he said, and would never have blamed the victim under normal circumstances, but he was angry, and it was easier to pick on Xandir, who was thin and only a little muscular instead of Captain Hero who was buffed up like he was still on steroids.

"...You make me sick, Hero... I should go find Xandir and apologize."

"I had every right as an american to have sex with him if I wanted, even if he didn't consent to—" Hero was cut off when a semi truck barreled into him and crushed him in the street. Wooldoor just put his head down and walked away.


End file.
